The Quest Out West
by one-falling-up
Summary: Rewrite of "th qust out wst" by FaireRoxs4Life. Original Version:/s/7092148/1/th qust out wst Thanks for Iris Cornelia Jade for being my beta! :3


"Class!" called Ms. Jones. "We have a new student."

Glancing up casually from where I was doodling in my spiral notebook, I focused my gaze on the figure standing next to the teacher… and unhinged my mouth in shock.

Her white-blonde hair was splayed lifelessly in sticky, oily spaghetti-like strands on her pudgy shoulders. Her beady blue eyes were the color of the mold that was populating the sandwich that I had left in my locker over spring break. One yellow-brown tooth fumbled against her crusty, bloody purple lips. Her tiny head was drooped low by the weight of her bloated cheeks, which sagged down onto her obese body. Despite her physical deformity, a conniving smirk was stretched upon her greasy egg-shaped face.

She was pretty much the ugliest person I've ever seen. Even worse than the old lady I had seen off Fifth Avenue, and that was saying something.

"Class, this is Faire Johnston."

Faire observed the rows of students carefully. Then her gaze fell upon me.

"PERCY!" she shrieked excitedly in a scratchy voice. She dropped her Jansport on Ms. Jones' leather-clad foot, eliciting a light yelp, and dashed over to me.

"Do I kno-"

She threw her plump arms around me and hugged me so fiercely I almost choked. I tried not to gag. She smelled as bad as she looked.

The whole class was staring now, and light giggles were drifting through the crowds. Girls were whispering to each other, and the guys were punching each other.

Great, there goes my reputation.

"Get-offa-me!" Wheezing, I attempted to pry her off.

"Percy! I haven't seen you in so long!" she screeched, withdrawing her two tubby poles of death. She sniffed. "Being separated from my beloved beau for such a long time… Percy, we're like Gnomeo and Juliet!"

"We've even never met!" I decided not to tell her that it was really Romeo and Juliet. Rubbing my bruised arms, I peered anxiously around me. The whole class was staring speechlessly.

Then laughter erupted.

"Hey Jackson! When's the wedding!"

"Never knew you were into the fat type!"

My cheeks flared red.

"Look, Faire, we've honestly never met."

"B-b-but Percy! You love me!" she whined. She stomped her orthopedic shoe-clad foot on the linoleum floor, resulting in a tiny tremor that rippled through room.

"Um, sorry, but I just met you a few seconds ago. Besides, I already have a girlfriend. Her name is Annabeth."

"SCREW ANNABETH!" she bellowed indignantly. "YOU'RE MY BOYFRIEND!" She jumped up and down with the force of a baby elephant. Ms. Jones' Snoopy snow globe fell off her desk and shattered into tiny pieces of glass and liquid.

"Young lady!" Ms. Jones barked. She heaved the backpack off her foot. "I will not tolerate you ruining this class. Go to your desk, now."

"You can't make me!" Faire wailed. "Percy's going to take me to Mount Olympus and I'm going to be his bride!"

I froze in my seat. She knew about the gods?

Faire smirked at the surprised expression on my face. "Oh, I know all about you, Percy. I know how you defeated the Furies, and the Manticore, and fought the Minota-"

"Shut up!" I cried quickly, peeking furtively around me, expecting one of the monsters to pop up any moment.

"-aur," she finished proudly.

Behind her, there was a loud squeal of glass exploding into millions of tiny fragments. Whirling around with a pit in my stomach, my eyes widened as a hairy hoof slammed onto Sarah Walters' desk. With a sick dread, I watched as the towering monster burst through the glass and into the classroom. Students were running around, screaming, smashing into the doors and banging on the unbroken windows.

Cursing in Greek under my breath, I rapidly patted the pocket of my jeans for Riptide. When my hand closed around the cool plastic of the pen, I whipped it out and uncapped it. The celestial bronze blade materialized and gleamed eerily under the fluorescent lighting, its lethal tip poised to kill.

"Hey, Fur Fa-!" I managed to yell before Faire crashed into me, wrapping her heavy arms around my legs.

"Oh, Percy!" she sobbed. "Save me! I'm so, so scared!"

Riptide was thrown from my grasp and it clattered harmlessly to the floor. I tried to move my legs, but they were cemented to the floor.

"Faire! Let go!"

The Minotaur lumbered towards us. Steam unfurled from its quivering nostrils as it raised its towering ax. A nauseating sensation dripped through me. I couldn't use Riptide, it was lying on the floor six feet away.

"Faire! Let go!"

She screamed and grabbed me tighter.

The axe slammed down with a sickening thud. We were blasted up by the impact, but Faire's two hundred pounds worth of fat pulled us down like an anchor. She tumbled away from my feet, and I patted the floor blindly for Riptide as I kept my gaze on the monster. It sniffed, then wrenched the axe from the ground and hefted it up again for a second attack. My hand wrapped around the handle of Riptide. Leaping up, I bounded off of the axe and with one fluid motion, slashed the blade through its neck. The Minotaur exploded into a shower of yellow dust, and I recapped Riptide.

Faire staggered up, disoriented. Then she saw me coated with a fine layer of powder.

"Oh Percy," she sobbed. "My brave, brave hero!"

The fire alarm had gone off in the frenzy.

"Percy… what?" Ms. Jones rubbed her eyes and stood up from where she had taken refuge beneath her desk. Splatters of water appeared on her suit from fire alarm. "Did you start all of this?"

I gulped. "Um, no, ma'am.

"Percy! Take me to Camp Half Blood!" Faire crowed. She closed her fingers around my wrist like a vise and waddled the best she could to the shattered window. We were on a three-story building.

"What? What? No, Faire NO!"

"Percy! Let's fly, together!" She closed her eyes… and jumped out the window.

"NOOOOOO!" I yelled as we plummeted towards the earth.


End file.
